It had taken Gary nearly half a century to come to the understanding he had about what it means to be a man. His openness about his sexuality created a sensuality that was appealing to both sexes. It put him in a unique position in a world that burdened all its inhabitants with unachievable, false moral expectations. His unwavering devotion to finding his own way in the world created challenge for many people who came into his presence. Gary was therefore used to being on the defensive. He also often found himself in the position of teaching other men about intimacy. He observed the so called heterosexual world was not ready for men to assume the kind of intimacy women take for granted among themselves. In the context of his openness Gary was surprised to find that many heterosexual identified men were open to experimenting sexually, or at least erotically with him. In his innocent struggle to understand the way of masculine interaction, Gary had found himself to be the object of first time sexual advances from heterosexual identified men. The most important element was that there be no woman present. Of course it was usually he who was accused of being the aggressor in the end. Sometimes the men themselves would awaken the next morning to face their Catholic guilt or perhaps a jealous wife or girlfriend would become suspicious of her man’s behavior. Gary was the most surprised of all that his experiments in intimacy had led him to understand something bigger about the way men had been trained to be in the world.

Rupert had joined the others when they were well into a lively conversation. He had missed most of the fine points, but was drawn directly into the middle of the conversation when Barbara asked Gary if he thought Rupert was Gay. Gary had seen Rupert on the beach earlier in the day and took notice of his special beauty. He was aware that this was the reason for Barbara’s question. Gary was new to this world of competing with women, and he disliked it immensely. Each time he was forced to participate he was drawn even closer to his heterosexual brothers. In identifying with all men, in the family of men, Gary found himself losing some of the feminist ideas he had picked up in the seventies. Gary looked directly into Rupert’s eyes and was not surprised when Rupert held his gaze. Rupert had a devilish grin as he awaited the answer to Barbara’s question.

"He is absolutely 100% heterosexual!" Gary finally said to end the tension.

"Why are you so sure?" Barbara questioned again.

"Because he doesn’t give me any sexual energy. He knows exactly what he wants and unfortunately it isn’t me he wants." Gary was unaware that his naive honesty was once again setting him up. He had a way of presenting his ideas without threat to the masculine barrier required of men in twentieth century Western culture. He honestly had no intention of pursuing Rupert! This made him very attractive in Rupert’s eyes. Gary’s response was also well received by the women seated at the table. Rupert gave Gary an approving smile as he walked away from the table. Gary excused himself and set off on his traditional bedtime stroll on the hillside behind the hotel.

Once beyond the artificial light one could actually see by the light of the Milky Way. Gary sat upon the special rock he had chosen to give him a clear view of the ocean. He had just begun to enter a state of meditation when he heard a voice below ask if it was OK to join him. Rupert climbed onto the rock below Gary and made the usual references to the beauty of nature. Gary slid down behind Rupert and put his legs on either side of the rock. He then placed his hands on Rupert’s shoulders and began to massage the iron clad muscles that formed a barrier to protect his vulnerability. Gary instructed Rupert to let go as he pulled him back toward him. Rupert felt it necessary to remind Gary of the earlier conversation. Then Gary felt Rupert’s head sink into his chest as the muscles in his shoulders relaxed. He heard Rupert sigh, a familiar sound which Gary understood to mean, "now I trust you!"

"I think we have a very special situation here." Gary whispered into Rupert’s ear. "If you can trust me and play along, perhaps we can teach each other something about life." Gary waited for Rupert’s response, but the fact that Rupert remained in his arms without moving was the answer Gary was looking for. Gary explained that he wanted to experiment with telling the truth. He pulled Rupert closer into his chest and placed his hands on Rupert’s head. He ran his thumbs across Rupert’s eyebrows, then placed his fingers on the cheekbones.

"You are a very beautiful man Rupert."

"Thank you."

"You have the kind of lips I love to kiss. I love full masculine lips"

Rupert’s muscles became tense again as he began to sit up. "I don’t kiss men on the lips," he said as Gary gently pulled him back into position with a reassuring tone in his voice.

"I don’t understand," Gary responded, "I kiss my women friends on the lips and it’s no problem, no big deal."

"Do you want to have sex with me? Is that what this is all about?"

"No, but I do want to continue to make love to you." Gary whispered as he continued to stroke Rupert's muscles in a more gentle manner.

"I thought this was a massage." Rupert exclaimed in a sarcastic tone.

"A massage without love is not a real massage."

"What a line! I’ll bet you say that to all the boys," Rupert laughed.

"You are a beautiful man. When I hold you like this I feel love, sexuality, fear and excitement. Would you rather I lie to you and trick you into some cheap thrill for myself?"

Gary then removed his hands from Rupert’s shoulders in a way that suggested he was hurt. Rupert reached back and put Gary’s hands back in place. Gary read this as an apology. He made his way down either side of Rupert’s spine with his thumbs. Some special magic was now at play and Gary recognized that a heart connection had been achieved. Gary reached around Rupert’s waist and laid his head tenderly on his back. Rupert began to cry. Gary held him even tighter as he felt Rupert ready to open.

"It’s OK to cry!" Gary reassured him. "Why don’t you just tell me what this is all about."

Rupert told of sitting beside his father’s deathbed day after day for weeks on end. He had felt crippled by some unseen force that came to crush him each time he wanted to touch his father, and each time he wanted to cry.

"I thought I was being a real man by hiding all of my feelings and emotions. How ironic that you should teach me what it means to be a real man by holding me under a romantic moonlit sky."

"How ironic that you should teach me what it means to love a man," Gary responded.

Gary then explained his battle to get close to his own father. "I always felt he expected something of me I couldn’t give him, so I pulled away. It wasn’t until after his death that my mother confided in me. My father was proud of me and felt hurt that I was so distant. I hate this rule that real men can’t be tender. I intend to subvert it for the rest of my life!"

At Rupert’s suggestion the two men walked back to the hotel hand in hand. Gary’s dinner companions were still seated at the table just as the two men had left them. Gary greeted them, then turned to say good-night to Rupert. Rupert placed his hands over Gary’s ears and drew his face close his. He slowly pressed his lips into Gary’s and gave him an unusually long French kiss.

"Now I do kiss men on the lips," Rupert smiled.

He turned to say good-night to the women, but they all turned away. He winked at Gary and broke into a big smile which then broke into infectious laughter.

"Would you like to come to my room for a nightcap?" Gary whispered into Rupert’s ear.

"At this moment I can think of nothing I would like more," Rupert answered back as to deliberately annoy his audience.

The two men ascended the staircase arm in arm. Halfway to the top they turned suddenly and threw a good-night kiss to the women who did not have a chance to turn away. Only Barbara responded with a genuine smile of approval.