When Karl returned from his two month holiday he was shocked to find Christoph had been hospitalized. They had agreed the separation would be good for both of them, and agreed not to contact each other during the separation. Karl came loaded with gifts, imagining that his first night home would be the best reward for the eight week experiment he was ending. He opened the door to his apartment to find Gudren and Gabi sitting on the sofa waiting for him. They warned Karl to be prepared for his first meeting with Chris. There was nothing they could possibly say that would ease the pain of those first moments though. Karl stood at the door to Christoph’s hospital room knowing that to walk through it would change everything forever. He took a deep breath, reached for the handle and slowly pushed his way through the opening. He could hear Chris snoring, so he tip-toed to the other side of the bed and quietly lowered himself into the chair.

Karl was thankful for those first moments alone with Chris. As he watched what seemed to him a man of seventy, he was grateful to Gabi and Gudren for preparing him. It was difficult to imagine that this was his friend who had turned thirty on his last birthday. He could see the outline of Christoph’s skull accented by dark sunken eyes and angular cheekbones. His hair was thin and lifeless with bald patches on both sides above the ears. So many times before he had studied this boy’s body with the same love and passion he felt now.

Christoph opened his eyes and took a moment to adjust his vision. Karl knew by the tears he saw streaming onto the pillow that Chris was aware of his presence. He leaned over the bed and kissed Chris on the forehead. Chris explained to Karl the already familiar story of how he first discovered he had AIDS. It was soon after Karl left that he had the first symptoms of pneumonia. It had all happened so fast.

"I never imagined this could happen to me," Chris said as he made some strange sound between a cough and laughter.

"How can I help you!" were Karl’s first words. "I feel so helpless just sitting here."

Christoph gave no explanation of what he wanted from Karl. He had waited for this moment for almost two months. The anticipation of this moment had eased the pain of his most difficult times. He pushed the button which called the nurse. When she entered the room he explained that this was Karl of whom he had spoken. She seemed to already understand his request that the two men be left alone for the next hour. She gave them both a warm compassionate smile as she closed the door.

Chris instructed Karl to remove the top sheets and blanket from the bed. He took off his hospital gown and demanded that Karl remove all his clothing. His instructions were done with such passion and urgency that Karl had no choice but to comply. When Chris told Karl to open the bedside dresser drawer, Karl found it difficult to hold back the flood of tears. There he found the bottle of massage oil he had given Chris on his last birthday. It still had the purple ribbon tied around it. Karl was clear about what to do now. They had spent a beautiful passionate night together to celebrate Chris’ birthday.

As Karl massaged the oil into Christoph’s feet he could sense the difficulty in his breathing. Any questions were put off by a request to treat him the same as he always had in the past. In the beginning Karl was nearly overcome with grief. He could hardly recognize the body that lay before him, emaciated, almost grotesque. As he worked his way up Christoph’s legs and thighs his heart was touched by the beauty of death. Karl found this new perspective difficult to incorporate so quickly. He was at the mercy of a situation which was bigger than all of the rest of his life together, however. Even as he had the idea that he should stop, Chris reached down touching his hand and told him he loved him. When Christoph’s breathing became more difficult , Karl reached for the button to call the nurse. Chris took the button from his hand , reminding him that the hour belonged to the two of them alone. With this his breathing improved and Karl continued the massage.

Karl slowly massaged the oil into the hips then slid his hands onto the stomach. He remembered the night of the birthday and wondered if he should proceed as he had on that night. He laid his hands on the chest to feel the breath coming into the tired lungs. Chris reached for Karl’s right hand and placed it between his legs. Karl closed his eyes, trying to imagine that wonderful night when they had last been together. Chris sensed Karl beginning to pull away.

"They have always disapproved," Chris whispered, "why should it matter now what the Hell anybody else thinks?"

In this moment Karl came to life. He was not about to sacrifice his lover’s dying wish in order to appease someone else’s judgment. He was overcome with passion as he traced the lines of Christoph’s body with his hand. Chris sat up with incredible strength pulling Karl on top of him. They both quickly returned to that place where they had shared their most intimate moments of passion.

"It was in this bed that I saw the first light of truth Karl. I don’t want you to wait until you are dying to be alive. Don’t wait for permission from others to follow your heart."

The two men exploded in synchronicity. One now lay motionless while the other took breath enough for two.

Karl made a ritual of washing the body. When the hour had ended everything was back in place. Karl pushed the button to call the nurse back into the room. When she entered Karl opened his mouth to try to explain. She placed her finger on his lip to silence him. "He was my friend too," she explained, "we planned this together for weeks." She handed Karl the bottle of oil with the purple ribbon and kissed him on the cheek. "Now the rest of your life is blessed," she said as she walked him to the door.